Take Courage

"Be strong and courageous...  Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed, for the Lord God, even my God is with you.  He will not leave you or forsake you."  1 Chronicles 28:20

Healing tide waves through past memories, looking back to my childhood in a rural Kansas town.  The blond girl growing up, knowing not myself, groping through my childhood and adolescent identity crisis, always chasing for something to fill my empty soul.  I felt shy and awkward, unsure exactly where I fit into life's mosaic of blended color, and I looked up to my beautiful, bold, and courageous sister.  I sometimes longed to be my sister-- outgoing, strong, and always knowing exactly what to say.  My sister had the courage to hold up her fifteen-year-old sister when I was falling apart. Though these events scarred our relationship with painful memories, we learned that love is hard and its bond is deeper than these scars.   In 1993, I wrote this poem for my sister for the courage I sought and the wounds we secretly shared.

My Temple of Courage

I.

I was like a tiny rosebud-- fragile and weak.

No one could get too close to me and touch my soul.

Bitter thorns cut into the flesh of those who held me close.

You were like a patient child, nourishing me every day, 

But never touched.

One day, I blossomed into a beautiful red rose.

I showed my soul!

And you hold my pale bitter hands forevermore.

II.

I was like a delicate china music box.

It seemed as though I would crush at a touch.

So my own mother held me safely

In a china cabinet with a limited view of the world,

So I would not break.

What she did not know was that I had  inner strength.

I would not play a single tune, fearing that

I would reveal my internal fissures.

You were like a beautiful bronze statue--

Strong and admired by all.

Mother placed you on the piano where 

You saw the world.

One evening, you were awakened by

A melancholy tune.

You gazed at me, whom couldn't keep

My song in any longer.

A slight crack appeared on my perfect ivory surface.

You held me together--the scars 

Would eventually disappear.

And you hold my fragile soul together, forevermore.

III.

I was like a child in a chaotic maze of broken dreams.

I did not believe in anyone or anything.

I could not find prayer; I had lost faith.

Late one night, a small white light of hope appeared.

And with it I prayed.

You were like a great temple of courage.

As an answer to my prayer, you came to me.

You held me up and restored my faith.

You helped me find a better path for my long journey.

I leaned on you for a while, until I could hold my own.

With a fresh start, I continued my journey;

And you hold my spiritual faith, forevermore.

IV.

As an adult, you have continued to be

A temple of courage that others have leaned on.

You have stood tall and strong through

Many rough times.

Your strength has touched many lives,

I admire you for that.

You are the best sister anyone could hope for.

And you hold hopes together, forevermore.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb.  I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well."  Psalm 139:13-14

After having My Temple of Courage published in the Topeka Capitol Journal, I framed the poem and gave it to my older sister for Christmas.  Twenty years later, my teenage daughter read the same poem for a middle school forensics performance.  Looking back, I now see how some of the terminology in this poem was more fitting to my relationship with God Who is my true "Temple of Courage", and I probably would not have chosen "Temple of Courage" as an analogy for my relationship with my sister.   As an adult, I identify myself as a child of God and see more clearly that courage comes in many different forms.  Courage to love unconditionally.  Courage to tell the truth.  Courage to face the past.  Courage to be who God called me to be.  God creates us in His image, making us each unique and lovely in His sight and calling us to fight the good fight and thrive through the tribulations that make us strong.   

 Although we've had our share of differences, I love my older sister very much.  I appreciate and admire her as a wonderful mother, teacher, and role model.  I will always be grateful her courage to hold my hand and stand by my side when I was sinking into an adolescent crisis.  Relationships are complicated, especially those that share painful memories, but God is the redeemer of all things and for that I find courage and hope.  

"Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage!" Psalm 27:14a